


Your pride will be your downfall

by weddingbells



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anger, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-05
Updated: 2013-04-05
Packaged: 2017-12-07 14:12:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/749413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's world is a prison. Louis must understand that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your pride will be your downfall

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own One Direction, I just enjoy writing fanfiction about them.

”Harry. Harry. Hazza.”

Harry opens his eyes, blinking at the sudden light.

“Yeah?”

He notices Louis, he is standing by the side of his bed and he’s smiling that half smile, despite the fact that he is also looking a bit annoyed.

“You’re talking in your sleep.” Louis enlightens him and yawns. “You woke me up. Are you still having nightmares?”

Harry is quiet for a moment, like he has to think about it, and then he nods.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess.” He blinks again. To be honest, he isn’t really sure if he actually sleeps anymore, too much going on in his head. Louis shakes his head, like he doesn’t know what to do with him.

“You want me to stay?” Louis nods at the empty space in Harry’s bed and Harry follows his gaze with his own eyes.

“You sure that’s such a good idea?”

“So, let them sue me then.”

Louis takes off his hoodie that he had put on, walking from Harry’s room to his, and then he jumps into the bed, under the covers. He sighs, pleased, and Harry relaxes as well, finally feeling like he can be calm again.

“You want to talk about it? The dreams.” Louis asks, lying on his side and looking at Harry, who is staring up at the ceiling. Harry blinks, suddenly feeling a lump in his throat, burning and hurting. He doesn’t want to cry.

“Hey, it’s okay Hazza.” Louis whispers and sneaks one arm around Harry’s waist. “You don’t have to.”

“Just tired.” Harry mumbles. “I want it to be over soon.”

“I know.” Louis whispers and rests his head on Harry’s chest. “I know, love. But it will be over. Soon. And it will be okay.”

“Are you meeting her tomorrow?” Harry asks, already knowing the answer, but still wants the question to be asked. Louis sighs.

“You know I am, Harry. I have to. We said we would do this.”

“I know.” Harry whispers, regretting ever making a deal, ever deciding on anything. Then again he wants to reply with that it actually was Louis who thought the deal was needed to begin with, but he doesn’t want to fight. Not now. “I just feel lost.”

“Me too Hazza, me too.” Louis mumbles, his lips against Harry’s neck. “Just try to go back to sleep okay? I’m here now.”

“Yeah. You’re here _now_.” Harry says, wishing he hadn’t said that with the bitter tone in his voice but the words are already out there. Louis lifts his head up, looking down at Harry.

“Curly…” Louis begins, softly brushing his thumb against Harry’s cheek. “Don’t give me that, please. I don’t think I deserve that.”

“I know you don’t.” Harry says, but now he is crying and Louis bites his lip and Harry feels bad because he knows he shouldn’t cry, it isn’t Louis’ fault, not really, and Louis can’t stand it when he cries, but he can’t help himself. “But I still have to live with it. I still have to live with the fact that I can’t be with you in public. I have to think about everything I do, and even when I try to do everything right I still mess up and they…”

He swallows and turns quiet, Louis pulls him closer in a tight embrace, their hearts beating together. Harry closes his eyes and tries to ignore the pain, but everything in his body is hurting right now and it doesn’t help that Louis is this close, because Harry just desperately wants him closer, closer in every way and he knows that if he starts Louis won’t stop him, and it will be noticeable the next day. They can’t have that.

“Maybe you should leave.” Harry mumbles and Louis freezes, like he doesn’t want to hear that.

“Haz, you don’t mean that.”

“I’m sorry, Lou. I just don’t… it hurts.” And Harry feels tears down his cheeks again and Louis looks at him, his eyes filling up as well and Harry doesn’t want this for them, they don’t deserve this. They shouldn’t have to be living with secrets and lies, they are young and should be careless, free spirits. But Harry feels like a bird in chains and right now his whole life is a prison he so desperately wants to escape from.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about the dreams?” Louis asks again. Harry’s bottom lip is trembling.

“It’s not the dreams that bothers me.” He says and Louis’ grip around his waist tightens. Harry thinks about shrugging his arms off, that it will be easier if Louis isn’t touching him but then again, his body so desperately wants to share that warmth coming from Louis’ skin.

“Then what is it, Haz?” Louis mumbles softly, kissing one of Harry’s curls as he pulls Harry even closer. Harry doesn’t complain.

“It’s the real life that bothers me.” Harry whispers and he feels Louis tensing up, but his grip is still as tight around his body. Harry’s voice is shaking, his body is shaking but he continues to speak. “I have to see you with her. Every single day. And I have to talk about… I have to act like there’s nothing between us. I have to hide who I am and people are assuming things… and they tell me we’re not… They say we don’t have any kind of connection. There’s nothing between us. They tell me we’re only friends.” Harry stares at Louis and Louis bites his lip so hard it turns white. “But I’m here, Louis. We’re here. We’re…”

“I know babe, I know.” Louis whispers, interrupting Harry’s long speak, softly letting his lips touch Harry’s. “But it will be worth it, in the end. You know we have to do this.”

“I don’t think it’s worth it.” Harry mumbles and Louis removes his arms. For a second he’s just looking at Harry and Harry doesn’t know if the eyes he is looking at are disappointed, confused or just sad. Harry doesn’t regret saying it though, and he doesn’t avoid Louis’ eyes.

“You can’t say that Harry. You know we have to, it’s… It’s not just about us, it’s about all of us, and we need to…”

“I know.” Harry says but he can feel how his voice come out empty and hollow, and Louis seems to notice as well because his hands are shaking when he touches Harry’s face. “Selling records. Getting famous. It’s important.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“Well I am talking like that!” Harry sits up and suddenly he is yelling, he is furious and Louis receives all of anger and he is practically exploding, he’s a bomb and he just exploded. He is shattered and everything hurts, and he keeps shouting. “I don’t want this anymore, Louis. I don’t want you with her. I don’t want to act like I’m something I am not. I don’t want to hide, I’m done hiding, I’m sick of it. I’m going crazy here, Lou. I have to spend all my time hearing about perfect relationships that you all have and answer questions about my single life and really, I have the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for and I can’t fucking tell anyone about it.”

Louis looks taken a back and he opens his mouth as if to shout back, but then he closes it again and Harry doesn’t know why but it just fuels his anger, he is so angry that Louis just sits there, that Louis doesn’t care how difficult this is for him, everything seems so easy in the world of Louis and he never takes a second to go into Harry’s world and see what it’s like.

“And I get crap for everything.” Harry continues and now he isn’t even regretting yelling. “They find ways to punish me all the time. It’s my fault they found all the old pictures. My fault my tattoos are too obvious. My fault you couldn’t keep your hands off me in the bar. And then I get to spend time with girls I couldn’t care less about, acting like they mean the world to me, crying out in magazines like they broke my poor heart when they left me after just a couple of weeks and I don’t want to do it anymore. But you, you get to be a hard-ass and they make you write shit about me but then you’re just laughing it off with her at another Starbucks. I’m fucking sick of it, Lou.”

“You think I enjoy this?” Louis snaps and suddenly he is sitting up as well, yelling at Harry with just as much anger in his eyes that Harry is shoving towards him. “You think I enjoy spending time with her, talking about how much I am in love with someone when I’m not? You think I like coming off as a stupid prick? It’s not easy for me either, Harry, even though you might think so. I have to be in public and act like I care about someone so much, when the one I really care about is curled up back home, and it’s that person I miss. That person I am so hopelessly in love with. I don’t like this either. I hate Starbucks, dammit.”

Harry’s panting, anger slowly disappearing from his body but he’s still not finished.

“Then why do we do this?” He asks and he really wants to have a good reply from Louis now. “Is it worth losing ourselves over selling a few more records? Do we really want fans that don’t support us?”

“Harry, it’s not just about us.” Louis says again, and anger is now gone from his eyes too, replaced with almost desperation both in his eyes and tone of his voice. “We made a choice to do this because there are five of us in this band. Not just the two of us. You remember that, don’t you?”

Harry looks down. He doesn’t want to look at Louis, not right now.

“I’m falling apart.” He admits and then Louis arms are around him again. “I’m falling apart, Louis. More and more every day.”

“You have to be strong, Harry.” Louis whispers and kisses him softly on the cheek, then caresses his neck. “You have to. Until the end of the year. It’s just a few months away.”

Harry looks up and watches Louis, almost carefully, as if Louis would mind if he watched him too much.

“Do you have to see her tomorrow?”

Louis sighs, and then he pulls Harry closer.

“No.”

“No?” Harry asks, feeling a spark of hope light inside his heart. Louis tilts his chin up.

“No. I think I’m coming down with something. The flu, probably. They can’t force me to meet anyone when I’m feverish.”

Harry can’t help but to laugh a little. It makes Louis smile.

“If you’re ill you have to stay in bed all day.”

“Will you take care of me?”

Harry sighs and then he leans in closer, his lips barely an inch away from Louis’ lips.

“I always take care of you, Lou.”

“Then stop fighting me and kiss me you fool.” Louis smiles and Harry catches his lips with his own, pulling Louis down on the bed again, and as Louis’ heart beats in a steady rhythm against Harry’s own, he knows that it will be all right.

_Soon._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, please review. x


End file.
